we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
