Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
