You can't motorboat a personality
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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