i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
