he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
