I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
