the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How naked do you want me to be?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
