Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
