I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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