you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
