Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
