You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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