I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
