You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
