I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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