I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
