as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
