You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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