11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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