You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
