so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
