finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
