took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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