Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
