Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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