hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize