i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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