haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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