She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
