dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
