i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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