i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Less talking, more tequila
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
