And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
