if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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