you win again, gameday.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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