Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
