The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
