I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
