I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
