Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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