Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize