just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
