Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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