I feel great
I just peed on a car
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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