People in love make me want to vomit
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
