If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
