Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
