Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
