just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
