Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
