Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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