whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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