I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
