Sponge bath it is.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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