I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
