I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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