he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
