He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
