If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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