i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
