You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
