Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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