Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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