Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
