Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
