I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
