billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
