Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
